Hello friends. I’m your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run-down, listless? Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin. Yes, Vitameatavegamin contains Vitamins Meat Vegetables and Minerals. Yes, with Vitameatavegamin, you can spoon your way to health. All you do is take a great big tablespoonful after every meal. Mmmmmmm….. It’s so tasty, too! Tastes just like candy! So why don’t you join all the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow! That’s Vita-meata-vegamin!

Well, if you’re old enough to remember, or you’re a fan of TV Land on Nick at Night, you’d know that Lucille Ball made that bit famous a whole lot of years ago on an episode of I Love Lucy. Then there was The Honeymooners Chef of the Future, where Ed Norton wanted to know if he could core “a” apple. Anybody remember the hysterical Bass-o-matic Saturday Night Live skit made famous by Dan Aykroyd? It was a live large mouth in a blender… “Wow, that’s great bass!” NOT! People loved those classic skits that made some serious fun of direct response.

The direct biz has launched some of the greatest products ever known in our culture, where hundreds of millions of units have sold. Yeah, hundreds of millions of products – many memorable, some forgettable, and some that were just absolute stinkers. But whether it’s the Veg-o-Matic, Thighmaster, Bow Flex, or the Sham Wow – good or bad – people LOVE to make fun!

First off, the television commercials have produced some crazy characters we either love or loathe. Remember that flaming jackass in the  jump suit covered in question marks? Good God, I wanted to hit that maniac in the teeth with a shovel. He sold that book full of wacky info about all this available money from the government. But I think the only people getting money were the guys who wrote the book. There’s the incredibly grating Sham Wow/Slap Chop dude, Tony Little, the Gazelle swinging tool… and nobody but nobody made your ears bleed quite like Billy Mays. You know, listening to Billy was kind of like wearing a jockstrap made of sandpaper, but that dude could have sold an iphone to Helen Keller.

Then there are the celebrities who have pitched for the big bucks, like George Foreman, Christie Brinkley, Chuck Norris, Jack Lalane, Suzzane Somers, and other famous folk who we love to poke fun at. I’ll tell you this, people may have their way with this industry, but hundreds of millions of dollars later, it’s WE who have the last laugh!

Next time we’ll take an even further look at the history behind the crazy world of direct response!

And don’t forget to follow all the social happenings of AJ, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

Tommy Z . TeleBrands The BLOG

People are really starting to recognize my Jersey brother, AJ Khunani in public, and he finds it pretty weird because his intention was never to be a personality. He’s made countless television appearances over the past couple of years, and his stints on Discovery Channel’s Pitchmen has really heightened his popularity. People come up to him constantly with new inventions and product ideas, if fact so much, that TeleBrands holds official Inventor’s Days, where people come in from all over the world to meet the man that could make them a millionaire within five minutes. Within only a few moments AJ knows if an idea is worth looking at further and testing. I’ve never seen anyone with such a keen sense of what works – the man is amazing!

MR. K will tell you that there are three main factors that he looks for when assessing a potential product that is “right” for TeleBrands. And I say that because people often pitch really great ideas, but many just aren’t the right thing for this company.

“We’re looking for mass market products, something we can sell millions of,” says AJ. “Some niche markets ideas we see are great, but it needs to appeal to just about everybody.”

That’s good advice to you “would-be” millionaire inventor types. And to help even further, here are the three main points that Mr. Khubani looks for in a product that will make the grade…

1. It needs to solve a common problem

2. It has to demonstrate well on TV

3. It needs to be a good deal (either $9.95 or $19.95)

Do you have an idea for a product that’s been rattling around in your brain and you’d like to run it by us? Then email us at http://www.telebrands.com/inventors.html

Follow all the social happenings of AJ, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

Tommy Z . TeleBrands The BLOG

So we’re in DC, land of the much loved politicians,  and a lunch was had by all like no other! After we eat, the waiter asks if I would like one wafer thin little mint, but I tell him I’m stuffed and couldn’t eat another bite. So, AJ grabs the bill and in his usual generous style, proceeds to take care of the troops. Now as he reaches in his pocket, he doesn’t remove a finely crafted, Italian stitched leather wallet made by some 130 year old craftsman from Milan who skinned the cow himself… no.  Much to all our surprise, the great AJ Khubani takes out this small aluminum alloy hand-held case and when he flips it open everything but the Pasta Boat is in there – neatly organized, all in perfect order. I simply can’t believe that AJ Khubani, the KING of As Seen on TV, really uses the Aluma Wallet! It’s absolutely loaded with photos, credit cards, and all kinds of stuff, but like I said, neatly stored all in one handy-dandy compact little case. Amazing!

But Wait… there’s more! When AJ closes the Aluma Wallet, I reach across to check it out, and like the guy you can’t take anywhere, I knock a bottle of wine over, dumping out half the liquid, basically submersing the entire wallet. Everyone shrieks as I know I’m gonna get yelled at, but instead, AJ says, “no big deal, Tommy” as he just shook the wallet off, opened it up, and everything is in perfectly dry and safe condition! WOW!

Long story short, I am continually amazed at the products TeleBrands makes, and now everyone who traveled in our party has their very own! Everybody picked a different color – I got the screaming red, cuz that’s how I roll. No more big, bulky wallet taking up half my pants pockets, no more bent credit cards and photos or loose papers falling out every time I open it up. This clever little device, invented by a regular person like you and I, actually makes things simple and life a whole lot easier.

But wait, there’ more than that! credit card fraud and identity theft is a terrible problem as thieves can easily steal our personal information simply by scanning the cards in out wallets every time we are within arms length of an RFID scanner. But you are totally safe with the Aluma Wallet as the scanning rays cannot penetrate the case. Just how many times do I have to say… AMAZING!

Listen, I’m not telling you what to do, but… okay, yes I am. Order yourself an Aluma Wallet and I’ll be more than glad to personally join you for dinner… well, as long as you’re paying!

That’s it til next time!

Don’t forget to follow all the social happenings of AJ, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

Tommy Z . TeleBrands The BLOG

We find this wonderful Italian place in the middle of the city. The group has been working hard and everybody’s about ready to eat anything and everything in site… and basically that’s what we ended up doing! Now I’ve got to say that AJ is a tremendously generous guy and treats his people well.

“Get whatever you want, guys,” he says with a smile, “everyone has done a great job and you all deserve a good meal.”

Now you really shouldn’t tell me that I can order whatever I want, because I take that kind of stuff pretty literal. We flag the waiter down and he starts with me first, and yes, I basically order everything on the left hand side of the menu; calamari, mozzarella and roasted peppers, hams, pepperoni and assorted cheeses, soup salad, garlic bread… but then again I still have to order a main dish or two, so I don’t want to make too much of a pig out of myself, I mean, you got to have some manners, right? Of course!

So after we eat, the waiter asks if I would like one wafer thin little mint, but I tell him I’m stuffed and couldn’t eat another bite. So, AJ grabs the bill and in his usual generous style, proceeds to take care of the troops. Now as he reaches in his pocket, he doesn’t remove a finely crafted, Italian stitched leather wallet made by some 130 year old craftsman from Milan who skinned the cow himself… no.  Much to all our surprise, the great AJ Khubani takes out …

Guess you’re gonna have to check out part two of this blog as you’ll be every bit as shocked as I was!

Don’t forget to follow all the social happenings of the great AJ Khubani, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

Tommy Z . TeleBrands The BLOG

People watch the great Anthony Sullivan do his TV pitch and think, “Wow, that British guy seems like a terrific gent. I think my whole family needs that amazing putty stuff that does everything but cure the common hangover. And even that’s not out of the question! I don’t care what it costs, I want that stuff to show up in a corrugated box at my front door in 72 hours, dammit! I’ll pay the addition ship charges, just get it here NOW!!!“

Professional pitchmen are amazingly good at their craft and infomercials can be extremely addicting. Opus the Penguin from the comic strip, Bloom County was an admitted addict when it came to late night commercials. But penguins are no different than humans and the desire to own the egg that scraps dead skin from your cruddy webbed feet is enormous. Phrases like, “But Wait, There’s More” and “For only $19.95!” have become synonymous and parodied to death in American pop-culture. Saturday Nite Live’s Dan Aykroyd had us all in stitches with his Super Bass-o-Matic 76, as Lorraine Newman took a sip of the chunky orange swill and said, “Wow, that’s great bass!”

The question often comes up, “Do we really need any of this stuff?” Well, if you think about it, all we really need is food, clothes and shelter. But man, when I see my kids wasting full cans of expensive soda, I want my Bottle Tops like nobody’s business! And come to think of it… it’s a HUGE  pain in the rear to smoosh your hand between your car windshield and the dashboard, so send me a few of them freaking Windshield Wonders with the perty lime green, washable covers! Well,  I’ve packed on a few pounds and the Perfect Fit Button is just what I need! And the Chef Basket… send me a gaggle of Chef baskets fer crissakes… I want to make cooking easy and more fun, honest, I swear!

So the question remains… Is there a cure for Infomercial addiction?

Dang… the good folks here at TeleBrands certainly  hope not!

Don’t forget to follow all the social happenings of AJ, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

Tommy Z . TeleBrands The BLOG

It’s a fact of life that people love to buy stuff on TV or the internet and have it arrive in the mail. What can Brown do for you? He can show up at my door with the One Second Needle any time! There’s nothing like tearing open the box and removing that thing that Billy Mays once screamed about – the thing he made you believe that you absolutely needed and couldn’t live another day without. The thing that will make life easier, better, and more fulfilling. We’re all a bunch of lazy sloths when it comes down to it, and any product that’s gonna save me 45 seconds of carrot cutting time is a bona fide life saver.

Billy yelled at us as if we were deaf and dumb, and we took the bait like one of Pavlov’s pooches. If he claimed that a product whitened our clothes or showed how using an auger was simply awesome, then we believed him. I mean what guy in his right mind would stand up and yell like a lunatic for 60 seconds if it wasn’t all true? Right? The dude may have annoyed the Shinola out of you, but you still picked up the phone and demanded that Itty Bitty Burger Maker! “ARE YOU TIRED OF MAKING CRAPPY HAMBURGERS?!!! DO YOUR KIDS HATE YOU BECAUSE OF IT?!!! I’M BILLY MAYS, AND NOW YOU CAN BECOME YOUR VERY OWN BURGER-MEISTER, MEiSTER-BURGER!!!”

Yeah,the guy had all the social grace of a pitbull on a kitten ranch, but now Mays is gone and Anthony Sullivan is doing the pitching. (Something about an English accent that makes us Americana’s take notice.) While Sully now carries the torch for Oxy Clean and the Discovery TV show, Pitchmen, the direct response industry continues to thrive as new products like Bark Off hit the airwaves nightly, and millions of Americans buy to their hearts delight!

So stayed tuned for PART ll to find out if you really do have an addiction to the wonderfully, wacky world of AS SEEN on TV!

And don’t forget to follow all the social happenings of AJ, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

Tommy Z . TeleBrands The BLOG

While the direct biz has given us some world renowned products, it has also given us some of the goofiest stuff ever created by mankind. Let’s just dive right in, shall we?

The Flowbee? Remember this… this, thing? Say kids, now you can massacre your own hair and everyone else with the magic of FLOWBEE!!! What the hell? That’s exactly what was my first reaction when it hit the air. It was invented in the late 1980’s by a carpenter from California. It’s like a pair of sheep sheers attached to a vacuum cleaner fer crissakes! Yow!!

“Now you can mangle your family’s heads for a third the cost!”

Why in the name of sweet Jesus would anyone want to cut hair if it’s not what you do for a living? Are you willing to send your kids to school with them looking like trailer creatures – all for the sake of saving on the barber’s bill? And how much are you really saving after buying the damned unit and all the accessories? I wonder just how many rednecks opened their own Flowbee shops. “Come on down to Clem’s palatial Flowbee Chateau and and tick removal center and git ‘er dun hair cuts with butcher shop quality!”

The thing that made me laugh the most was that the people on the infomercial looked like they were having the friggin times of their lives! Partyin’ with the Flowbee crowd is hip for all you groovy cats! And would you believe that it actually had a competitor called Robo-Cut? In the movie Wayne’s World, they made fun with a similar item called “Suck Cut.” And who doesn’t like that name better?

So just for the heck of it, I checked online and the incredible Flowbee is still selling. One of the headlines tells us to HAVE FUN cutting hair! You can get a Flowbee FACTORY DIRECT with all the neato accessories for only $69.99! But wait, there’s more! Act now and we’ll throw in a the hair stylin’ book that everyone is talkin’ about: The Billy Ray Cyrus guide to Mullet madness.

When you think about it… how do you pass up an offer like this?

Hey, stay tuned for Wacky Direct Products Part 2, coming at ya, next!

And don’t forget to follow all the social happenings of AJ, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG

Washington, DC - We arrived the night before for Inventor’s Day and since I’m basically always hungry, finding a restaurant and filling my face in the nation’s capital was first priority. We landed in a posh little political hangout directly across from the Capitol building, and when author, Ann Coulter was seated directly next to us during dinner, I knew it was going to be a rather interesting time in the District of Columbia. AJ couldn’t tell if it was her for sure so he made me walk by her and turn around to see if she was wearing the gold cross that she always has on. So I acted like an obvious idiot (like that’s big news), circled around her and reported back that it was indeed her. Our table was severely divided in our political beliefs so I quickly brought up the reason why we were there to get our focus back on track… Inventor’s Day.

On February 11, 1983, President Ronald Reagan declared it to be National Inventors’ Day, a holiday to recognize the significant contributions that inventors make to the nation and the world. And what a great way to commemorate this day by having our very own celebration by inviting inventors from all across the nation to show us their inventions with hopes of having the next great TeleBrands hit product!

Friday morning, December 11, we arrived at the National Press Club and greeted the smiling (excited and nervous) faces ready to do their five minute pitch for the panel who would be judging. They came from as far as California, Minnesota, Indiana, and as close as Maryland and Virginia, all to meet the man, himself, Mr. AJ Khubani, the undisputed king of As Seen on TV. Hey, there were even a few fans of the Blog there, which swelled my head to mammoth proportions. But I knew I had a job to do as an illustrious panel judge, and I vowed that fame would not interfere with the day’s work.

Next Up: The Inventors and the Goods!

And don’t forget to follow all the social happenings of AJ, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG

The concourse of the Times Warner Cable arena was bustling with lights, camera, and action as news crews came from various Charlotte stations, covering the event for the locals. The panel consisted of AJ, myself and several Charlotte Checkers execs who rotated in and out during the day. It was a great atmosphere and the day started off right!

Right out of the gate we saw a fantastic product brought to us by Joe Marshall of California, the incredible flavor injector! It’s a three pronged culinary master that injects whatever you want, into whatever you have – teriyaki into chicken… Barbecue sauce into a London Broil… hot sauce into fish… and even your favorite booze into fruit like watermelon and pineapple! After Joe’s presentation, I was starving for some bbq and cocktails, but yeah, 9am was a tad early to indulge!

Over the next four hours we were hit by a barrage of inventors who had traveled far and near in hopes of being chosen as the next great TeleBrands inventor! We saw the Bio-Green Toilet Plunger that AJ thought was innovative, but didn’t think people would race to the phones to order one. Sue Sorrenson had the Accu-Pressure Pillow, but we know that anything that makes any kind of claim like this needs a medical study to back it up. Sauce-UP was a french fry and sauce holder for the kids in your car – not a bad idea, but a little too complicated for AJ’s likes.

Then Todd from Michigan made the grade with a great little device called the Cool Tray, a tray for your microwave food dishes, preventing you from calling 911 with third degree soup burns. AJ loved this one! Then George and Sicily came in with the Zip Hook, a small hook-type device that keeps your zipper from falling down and causing embarrassing spills (don’t make me spell this one out for you, please.) The guys didn’t really understand the need for it, but the ladies seemed to love it and AJ was impressed with the apparent need. So we saw the Sock mate, the Diaper Daddy, the Task Pro, and the Brush and Dry, but three products were ultimately picked by the panel to be shown at that night’s Charlotte Checker’s game where the audience would decide on the winner. Who will it be? Find out in an upcoming episode of TeleBrands the Blog… order now!

And don’t forget to follow all the social happenings of AJ, TeleBrands, and inventors everywhere, on FaceBook and Twitter!

http://www.facebook.com/TeleBrandsProducts

www.twitter.com/TeleBrandsBuzz

- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG

It sure as heck DOES work, people… Check it out!