July 23rd, 2010 by Tommy Z
This little bloggy has grown nicely since its inception and I’m finally getting some great questions and terrific feedback from you guys out there! I love hearing from you and want to answer everything you can throw at me, so lets get started!
Dear Tommy,
TeleBrands has so many great items and throughout the years there have been so many great inventions. What are some of your favorites?
- Pete Shwetty, Havestraw, New York
Well, Pete, I’m really an old school kind of guy and I’ve got to go way back and say my all-time favorite invention has got to be FIRE. Like the great Mr. Khubani always says about a good invention, it’s got to solve a big enough common problem and I think the cave people did a hell of a job, to tell you the truth. Can you imagine those early informercials? “Oh NO! Raw tyrannosaurus again?! What a scaly, slimy mess! And what about that ice-cold cave you sleep in? You know that elk fur can only keep you so warm. And damned if you can’t see more than two feet in front of your face at night! But now there’s FIRE by Caveco, the hottest new thing to come along since Raquel Welch in One Million BC! It’s cooks, it lights, it warms…versatile and easy to use and clean up is a snap with just a splash of water. But wait, there’s more! Act now and we’ll also send you the wheel!
Dear Tommy Z,
You may very well be an annoying, self absorbed, talentless slug with little redeeming value, but for some reason I am hopelessly addicted to this blog! Is there something wrong with me. Should I get myself checked out? What the heck, man?
- Scutt Farkus, Hammond, Indiana
The power of As Seen on TV is a mighty one, Scutt. Can I call you Scutt? Right. While I admit that I do have some deep personal issues, my love for TeleBrands products simply cannot be ignored. Except for Bare Lifts, I use every TeleBrands product, including Bark Off on my kids. Psychiatric help may be something you’d want to consider, but in the meantime, keep enjoying my senseless drivel and check in every so often. I am here for your personal enjoyment. What the heck, man, is right!
Dear Z,
As a tribal high priest, I’m always on the run practicing my voo-doo and black magic and I never have enough room for the shrunken heads. Well, I finally came up with an amazing method to store the heads while eliminating the fuss that goes into the clean up. I think AJ will love it and I’d like to know when your next Inventor’s Day in Fairfield, New Jersey will be?
Chief Hannibal Shwartz, Somewhere in New Guinea
Well, Chief, we’ve kind of gotten into themed Inventor’s Days like the recent one we just had featuring kitchen items. So, I’m not really sure what category your product would fit under. Maybe house & hut wares, not sure, bro. Definitely a niche market item, but I’m not saying it’s bad. You might be better off at Lowes or Bed Bath and Beyond. I’m sure they’d give you prime isle space or an end cap display. (Man, I’m really reaching with this one. You wouldn’t think I’d be running out of material this early on.)
Hey, so many questions, so little time. We’ll get to a new batch next time here on the TeleBLOG. So keep those cards & letters coming! Or, go ahead and be a lazy shmoe and use email. Whatever.
But WAIT… There really is More!!!
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
Tags: $19.95, AJ Khubani, Al Roker, Ambervision, Anthony Sullivan, As Seen on TV, Billy Mays, Bottle Top, But wait there’s more, Doggy Steps, EZ Combs, George Foreman Grill, Heel Tatsic, Hollywood, Infomercial King, Inventor, Inventors Day, Jupiter Jack, New Jesery, OxiClean, Pamper Toes, Ped Egg, Pedi Paws, Perfect Fit Button, Pitchman, Pitchmen, Prudential Center, Ron Popeil, Sham Wow, Shoes Under, Stick up bulb, Telebrands, The View, Tommy Zarzecki
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July 2nd, 2010 by Tommy Z
So What’s The Buzz in TeleBrands Land…
Yeah, welcome to the first TeleBuzz on the BLOG… the post that lets you in on all the cool and funky happenings with AJ Khubani and his illustrious TeleBrands empire. Let me tell you, there really is some great stuff going on here in north Jersey and AJ is becoming a real star in his own right…
That Was One Very Crazy VIEW!…
On June 21, AJ appeared live on the view and it was one of the most insane segments you’ll ever see! Host Sherri Shepherd was joined by comics Jay Mohr and Tom Bergeron for an evaluation of some AS Seen on TV products. But when it came to the Shake Weights and the Bare Lifts, things got a whole lot crazy, as AJ played the perfect straight man during several minutes of comedic mayhem! See the You Tube clip right here on the blog in our video section!
Say… Have You Seen Chelsea Lately?…
On June 21, AJ made his debut appearance on the E Nework’s late night talk show, Chelsea Lately, showing off the As Seen on TV wares to the quick witted blond host, Ms. Chelsea Handler. The author/comic/show host is known for her sharp tongue and she let a few expletives fly, but AJ took it all in stride, even while demonstrating how to secure the Perfect Fit Button on the lovely host’s jeans. Okay, so his hands shook a little.. and yours would too, so cut the dude some slack. All in all it was a great segment – very funny, and the bossman is invited back to LA for another round! Next time, I’m definitely tagging along… unfortunately he doesn’t know it yet. I think I’ll wait to tell him. Uh-oh… man, I think I just did.
AJ Inducted into Free Enterprise Hall of Fame…
On June 16, The King of As Seen on TV was named Man of the year and inducted into the Free Enterprise Hall of Fame, here in Jersey. According to a ParamusPost.com article: The Foundation for Free Enterprise is the educational arm of the Commerce and Industry Association of NJ. The foundation’s mission is to provide leadership by educating young people, and others who will influence the future, concerning free market economics, limited government, individual self-reliance, and the preservation of the entrepreneurial spirit. It was an incredibly festive luncheon with over 300 guests and local dignitaries coming to honor the well deserving Mr. K! On a side note… By the looks of the photo, I have GOT TO work on my tan!
Tell Me, What’s So Great About America?…
Okay I will… Its entrepreneurial spirit, so says TV news commentator, John Stossel, whose TV special, What’s So Great about America featured our very own AJ as well as pitchman Anthony Sullivan, as they discussed the positives of being an entrepreneur in the land of the free. And much to this Blog author’s surprise, I was shown several times during the special as they featured clips from our Inventor’s Pitch Day from Los Angeles, several months ago.
Inventor’s Pitch Day Coming Next Week…
On July 13th we’ll be seeing inventors from all over North America, who come to pitch King Khubani in hopes of having the next big TeleBrands product! Unfortunately this one is closed as we’ve reached the maximum number of inventors, but we’ll be hosting several more in the near future! So if you’ve got a great idea, don’t hesitate to contact us on the main website > http://www.telebrands.com/inventors.html
So that’s all for the first presentation of the TeleBuzz. We guarantee more great stuff to come!
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
Tags: $19.95, AJ Khubani, Al Roker, Ambervision, Anthony Sullivan, As Seen on TV, Billy Mays, Bottle Top, But wait there’s more, Doggy Steps, EZ Combs, George Foreman Grill, Heel Tatsic, Hollywood, Infomercial King, Inventor, Inventors Day, Jupiter Jack, New Jesery, OxiClean, Pamper Toes, Ped Egg, Pedi Paws, Perfect Fit Button, Pitchman, Pitchmen, Prudential Center, Ron Popeil, Sham Wow, Shoes Under, Stick up bulb, Telebrands, The View, Tommy Zarzecki
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June 22nd, 2010 by Tommy Z
Everybody keeps commenting here on the Blog that working at TeleBrands looks like a lot of fun. Well, I guess it depends on what your job function is, but I don’t think anyone here can deny that it beats shoveling hot tar out on Interstate 80. No doubt there are some every cool job functions here at TB and some equally good people to fill them. Since I started the Blog last year I’ve gotten to go to some great places and hang out with some terrific people.
Now some of you think that getting to write this Blog is way cool – which of course it is. But if you’re like my wife, you really don’t think this is much of a job. She’s waiting for me to put my resume out there and be a vice president of something, but that just ain’t gonna happen. I’ve been to Charlotte and LA over the past few months, been on TV and film a bunch of times, sat on the judges panel in Los Angeles, and have met a load of inventors who all think they have the next great product. And, I also get to ride in AJ’s Rolls Royce once in a while which really isn’t so terrible – trust me on this one. You know what, I am having a hell of a lot of fun so tough noogies honey, I’m staying put.
And after years of being the man in charge, AJ gets to finally have a little fun of his own, appearing on numerous TV and talk shows, news programs, and cool gigs like being on the show Pitchmen. And he even got to drop the puck for the opening faceoff at a hockey game! Just this week he appeared on the View and the late night show Chelsea Lately – a heck of a departure from selling eggs that scrape the dead skin from the bottom of your feet. But after 30 million units sold, selling Ped Eggs isn’t so bad.
Which leads me to the products that are tested and sold, which are not even remotely mundane in any respect. Look at Crazy Critters. It’s not like selling oven mitts or wingnuts. They’re cloth animals that kind of resemble road kill, but your dog can chew the bejeezuz out of ‘em and they won’t shred or leave stuffing everywhere! Pooches absolutely love them! The Perfect Fit Button is great… so you packed on a few extra pounds since Christmas… insert the Perfect fit Button and being a fatso was never so fun and easy! Go ahead, have that last 
hunk of pie, I’m not looking, I swear! Then there’s the Pasta Boat. Have you seen this yet? Probably the easiest, funnest, and most effective way to make any kind of pasta. Of course what could be better than Bare Lifts? Nice! Damn people, I think I have to say that TeleBrands is an amazing amount of fun. I mean if you’re gonna be in business, why not peddle Windshield Wonders and run around like a loon screaming BUT WAIT… THERE’S MORE, DAMMIT!!!
Hopefully I’ll get some of the cool behind the scenes people like Home Girl Sherrie and Wonderfully Mad Max to chime in on the comments. And how about you throwing a few comments this way too. Let’s get this social media party thing started, people, because I’m telling you that TeleBrands is where the fun is at!
Later y’all
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
Tags: $19.95, AJ Khubani, Al Roker, Ambervision, Anthony Sullivan, As Seen on TV, Billy Mays, Bottle Top, But wait there’s more, Doggy Steps, EZ Combs, George Foreman Grill, Heel Tatsic, Hollywood, Infomercial King, Inventor, Inventors Day, Jupiter Jack, New Jesery, OxiClean, Pamper Toes, Ped Egg, Pedi Paws, Perfect Fit Button, Pitchman, Pitchmen, Prudential Center, Ron Popeil, Sham Wow, Shoes Under, Stick up bulb, Telebrands, The View, Tommy Zarzecki
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June 15th, 2010 by Tommy Z
Mark your calendars, inventor types, because TeleBrands is at it again! Tuesday, July 13 and Wednesday, August 11 will be the next dates we will see inventors, and hopefully choose the next big product, bringing somebody a little fame and fortune!
Inventors Days can be exciting, crazy, and packed with surprises, as people from all over North America come to show us the products that they have dreamed up. I’ve sat through a bunch of them so far, but none more insane than our trek to Los Angeles where 44 people spent one very long day showing us their wares. Being on the judging panel is actually a lot of work as you need to give every single person your undivided attention – especially the one’s who have been waiting around for twelve long hours. You have to go into judging with the mindset that any of the next presenters could actually have the next big thing, and you had better be ready for it.
IMPORTANT TO KNOW! Now I have to make this clear. You really just can’t show up on an Inventor’s Day without contacting us first. In the past we were nice guys about it and gave the okay to people who came unannounced, but it unfortunately got out of hand to the point where we’re turned people away and that makes us feel bad – but the reality is that there’s only so many we can see in one day, so if you want to come see us, ya gotta follow the rules!
So what are the rules? Simple… Got an invention you want to show us? Want to present to us on one of out Inventor’s Days? Go to the following link and it’ll tell you everything you need to know. Now we can’t guarantee we’ll see you, but if we do, this is the way it has to happen!
Here’s a few tips from our website to help answer a few of the questions that you might have…
If you are not interested in my product, will I know why?
There are many reasons why Telebrands may pass on a product. We have a very specific business model, so even if a product is clearly going to sell, or already has a sales record, it might not make sense for our company. The last thing we want to do is take over a product and have it fail. Beyond that, we can’t provide more specific reasons for a rejection.
Can I visit the Telebrands office in person and present my idea?
If you want to be considered, please complete this online form first. We will arrange an office visit only if we are interested in your product.
What about “Inventor Day?”
Inventor Day happens about once per month. If you want to be considered, please complete this online form first. We will contact you if we would like you to come present to us in person.
If you like my product, what kind of compensation do you offer?
It depends on the product, each situation is unique.
How many products does Telebrands market every year?
Usually, we only market 4 or 5 products per year. Some of these products may be selected from the thousands of new product ideas that inventors send us each year.
Can inventors trust Telebrands?
We are a Certified Professional Member of the United Inventors Associaiton (UIA), the national non-proft dedicated to inventor education and support. The UIA only awards Certification to firms who agree to comply with rigorous professional and ethical standards.
Like I’ve said before, over and over… If you’ve got a great idea rattling around in your head for a while, the worst thing to do is keep it to yourself because one day you’ll turn on the TV and start yelling like a lunatic when someone else actually decided to do something about their idea! Contact the good folks here at TeleBrands and we’ll seevwhat can happen next! You just might have the very next Ped Egg, Bark Off, Crazy Critters, or Windshield Wonder!
The Next Inventor’s Days Still Open for Product Submissions…
Date: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 • Place: TeleBrands, Headquarters, Fairfield, NJ
Date: Wednesday, August 11, 2010 • Place: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Tags: $19.95, AJ Khubani, Al Roker, Ambervision, Anthony Sullivan, As Seen on TV, Billy Mays, Bottle Top, But wait there’s more, Doggy Steps, EZ Combs, George Foreman Grill, Heel Tatsic, Hollywood, Infomercial King, Inventor, Inventors Day, Jupiter Jack, New Jesery, OxiClean, Pamper Toes, Ped Egg, Pedi Paws, Perfect Fit Button, Pitchman, Pitchmen, Prudential Center, Ron Popeil, Sham Wow, Shoes Under, Stick up bulb, Telebrands, The View, Tommy Zarzecki
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June 4th, 2010 by Tommy Z
Yeah, yeah, yeah, TV looks oh-so glamorous. Well, I’ve had the fortune to be behind the scenes as well as being taped for the Today Show and other venues and I can tell you this: It is a hell of a lot of work. I’m not kidding… the days are long, the lights are hot, and the repetitiveness can drive you totally insane.
On a show like Pitchmen, it looks awfully natural when an inventor enters the room and presents his or her ideas. But sometimes that person enters and re-enters through the doors four or five times in order to get that perfect shot. They might put their product on the conference room table four different ways while explaining it it over and over – and over. It’s in the editing room where they string together the best shots and make it look all so au naturale. Anyone who has worked with reality TV will tell you that it’s not as reality based as you might think.
But on the particular day of shooting Pitchmen at TeleBrands Fairfield office, ten inventors came from all across the U.S. to get a chance at presenting their ideas – their babies – for a shot at fame and fortune. But just because someone drives from Minnesota 
to New Jersey on $36 and three days sleep, doesn’t mean they have a product worthy of being brought to the national level.
We meet all kinds of folks, hoping for their one shot at nirvana. And then there’s Dawn ‘The Idea Girl”, an Arizona resident who comes back time and time again with a litany of gadgets, gizmos, and what-nots. While she hasn’t sold us a winner yet, the girl’s got major league spunk and we like that a lot.
“I give the inventors a lot of credit,” says bossman, AJ Khubani, “it takes a lot of guts and belief in yourself to get up in front of us and pitch your ideas… especially when you’re in front of a camera and surrounded by a film crew. Some people do get intimidated and fumble nervously, but sometimes as you know, that makes for the best television.”
AJ is right, much like the bad singers on American Idol, or the people who are terribly nervous in front of Simon Cowell, the same type of person presenting an idea is great fodder for the TV screen. During this filming, one incredibly nervous guy had the misfortune of his cell phone going off during his pitch. Now the first time, okay, you can understand and cut the guy a break… but it then went off a second time! And get this… he looks at his phone then says to AJ, “That’s the other company who is very interested in the product I’m about to show you.”
Are you friggin kidding me?! AJ and the entire crew laughed, but the guy just kept on pitching. Yeah, he was a complete nervous wreck, but I would have tossed his carcass out into the parking lot. Sometimes AJ can be almost a little too nice. He actually has a lot of compassion for people who travel far to see him and have their hopes up high. But after a very long day – like the 44 inventors we saw in LA – nice can suddenly go right out the window.
Inventors Pitch Days are long and tiring and it’s really hard on the judges to stay fresh after eight non-stop hours of pitch after pitch. I was on the panel in Los Angeles and it felt like a three-day marathon. I’ve seen AJ do this a bunch of times now, and while he knows pretty much right away how he feels about a product, it still doesn’t get any easier or quicker – especially if it’s being filmed for TV.
So there you have it. A little “behind the scenes” look at Pitchmen and the reality TV experience. Watch for AJ’s appearances on the show when it comes back for it’s second season on Discovery Channel.
Til Next Blog,
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
Tags: $19.95, AJ Khubani, Al Roker, Ambervision, Anthony Sullivan, As Seen on TV, Billy Mays, Bottle Top, But wait there’s more, Doggy Steps, EZ Combs, George Foreman Grill, Heel Tatsic, Hollywood, Infomercial King, Inventor, Inventors Day, Jupiter Jack, New Jesery, OxiClean, Pamper Toes, Ped Egg, Pedi Paws, Perfect Fit Button, Pitchman, Pitchmen, Prudential Center, Ron Popeil, Sham Wow, Shoes Under, Stick up bulb, Telebrands, The View, Tommy Zarzecki
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May 29th, 2010 by Tommy Z
Last June, the world was saddened by the death of Billy Mays. The TV show Pitchmen was an unexpected hit at the Discovery Channel, but without the rambunctious, black bearded front man, would the popular series also see its untimely demise? The answer is NO.
Discovery has signed Anthony Sullivan on to be the lone pitch guy, forever searching out the products that will be the next big deal in the world of direct. But NOBODY knows more about the next big product than our own AJ Khubani, who will be appearing in several episodes of the new season of Pitchmen.
So, I got to hang around and infiltrate around the set while a Discovery crew was shooting an episode of the reality show at TeleBrands last week. We had ten inventors come in to pitch their inventions for the cameras and it’s pretty damned interesting to see what happens behind the scenes of a show like this.
Okay, even though I’m not a bigshot – somehow in my twisted little mind, I think that I am, so I just weaseled my way into the conference room where the shooting was taking place. As I was snapping pictures and taking notes, the director turned to me and asked, “Who the hell are you?”
“I’m the Blogmeister General!”, I said in a most snooty tone. I mean come on, who doesn’t know me?
The director then turned to AJ with a facial expression like, “Is this clown for real?”
“He’s our blogger,” AJ said, “and he has my permission to stay in here.”
Um AJ, I thought we agreed, I shall carry the esteemed title of Blogmeister General that appears on those business cards I haven’t received yet.
Well, I got to stay, but I didn’t know how to shut the clicking and beeps sounds off my new camera, which didn’t endear me any closer to the director. Then I got popped in the head by the sound guy’s mic handle and I knew I’d better shut up and sit down and observe for a while.
Observing a pitch-a-thon full of inventors is one thing, but having it shot for a television show is way more tedious, shooting multiple times 
for the same scene from different angles in order to get the best shot. It actually gets pretty intense at times and it takes a good crew and director in order to make it flow naturally. It takes a lot of time and patience when working with a film crew, but the great end result is all that really matters.
Unfortunately, British Pitch Dude, Sully couldn’t make it to TeleBrands, but as they say, the show must go on, so execs extraordinaire AJ and Raj greeted each inventor and evaluated their products. There was some good stuff, some not-so good stuff, and a real surprise at the very end. We’ll talk all about that in the next blog in PART 2 in Discovery’s Pitchmen Shoots Here at TeleBrands!
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
Tags: $19.95, AJ Khubani, Al Roker, Ambervision, Anthony Sullivan, As Seen on TV, Billy Mays, Bottle Top, But wait there’s more, Doggy Steps, EZ Combs, George Foreman Grill, Heel Tatsic, Hollywood, Infomercial King, Inventor, Inventors Day, Jupiter Jack, New Jesery, OxiClean, Pamper Toes, Ped Egg, Pedi Paws, Perfect Fit Button, Pitchman, Pitchmen, Prudential Center, Ron Popeil, Sham Wow, Shoes Under, Stick up bulb, Telebrands, The View, Tommy Zarzecki
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May 18th, 2010 by Tommy Z
I received a phone call from my father in law last week that was sort of amusing.
“Tommy, you know that thing on a stick you gave me last week?” he asked all excited in his voice.
Now at first I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about and admittedly my mind traveled into the gutter for a moment. So, I asked him to refresh me.
“That green thing pad thing on the black plastic stick that cleans the car windshield!”
“Ohhhh… the Windshield Wonder… right… what about it?” I asked.
“That thing works fantastic!” he blurted out in a loud voice. “I can’t tell you how much I hate cleaning the windshield! My hands can never get down into the space between the dashboard and the glass and I’m always breathing in Windex when I try to do it.”
“That’s great,” I said. But he went on, “I hate that film you get on the windows and it took it right off. I can’t believe how well this works!”
I am personally always perplexed at how people seem pretty much shocked that our products really work – and damned well may I add. For some reason there are some people who think that all As Seen on TV Stuff is junk and and I don’t know why that stereotype exists. Admittedly there’s some wacky stuff out there and even we have delivered a strange one now and then (Hellooo… comfort wipe) for the most part, the direct industry creates some great stuff – with some products becoming true icons in Americana like the George Foreman Grill, the Thighmaster, and even our very own Ped Egg. That damned thing works fantastic and if you don’t believe me, go online (wait a minute, you’re already online) and Google, Bing, or Yahoo reviews of the Ped Egg and they are ALWAYS excellent. Go to You Tube and see all the TV clips that people have posted and for the most part they all give high marks for the simple little device that scrapes the unsightly crud from the bottom of your feet. When it comes down to it – it’s hard to argue with 30 Million Sold!
Okay, so this isn’t stuff that cures major diseases or improves your health or financial well being. We’ve said it a million times that people invented these products with the goal of solving a common problem that they had in their lives, believing that other people felt it was enough of a problem as well. And the fact that they are inexpensive is a good thing for everybody. Solving people’s problems for the least amount of money as possible is pretty valuable if you ask me. So, let’s look at the Windshield Wonder. (Or maybe we should re-name it That green thing pad thing on the black plastic stick that cleans the car windshield!) TeleBrands has sold millions and millions of these bad boys and again, that HAS GOT TO tell you something.
Hey, I didn’t mean to get all defensive and such, but I’m glad to say that YEAH, this stuff really does work and YEAH, you’d better break out he credit card and solve some of life’s little problems that you’ve been experiencing!
Later My Peeps,
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »
May 14th, 2010 by Tommy Z
We’ve had a lot of great products here at TeleBrands going by the names of the Ped Egg, Windshield Wonder, Perfect Fit Button, Heel Tastic, Stick Up Bulb, Go Duster, Shoes Under, Pedi Paws, Doggie Steps, Bottle Tops, Jupiter Jack, EZ Comb, and Crazy Critters. We’ve sold million of them and people really do love theses every day problem solvers. And we’ve talked a lot about the inventors – the people who come up with the ideas for these products. But before they can go to market, we’ve got to give them a name, and that’s not always an easy task.
Coming up with the right name for any product is a crucial piece in our overall marketing. While we can always make changes and modifications to a product, the name stays forever and it has to be something that sticks in the mind of the consumer. Some corporations like car manufacturers and food companies actually use agencies where all they do is develop names for products. That’s pretty fancy shmancy and costs big bucks. But the brain trust here at TeleBrands comes up with our own names, and it can be a long and drawn out procedure.
To show you how important a name is, instead of calling it the Windshield Wonder, what if it was called the Bright Green Window Cleaning Thing on a Stick? What if the Ped Egg was the Foot Crud Scrapper? Or the Jupiter Jack was instead the Friggin Car Phone Deal for Your Radio? Not very sexy, huh?
With some names, it’s good to accentuate the positive aspects that it brings. Take the Perfect Fit button for instance. It’s the Perfect Fit… how wonderfully positive… right? You think the “Fatso Button” or the “Lard Butt-on” would motivate people to buy? Not very likely. Or if Heel Tatstic was known as “Ugly Foot Balm.” I mean, that’s what it really is, right? Just goes to show that being too literal isn’t always the best thing when positioning a product to sell millions of units.
Aren’t Bottle Tops really can tops? Hmm. Now Shoes Under and Stick Up Bulb are admittedly exactly what they are. No rocket science applied there. But then there’s Crazy Critters. They’re stuffing free doggie chew toys that squeak in the nose and the tail when Bowzer bite’s ‘em. But what’s so crazy about them? I have no idea, but they’re one of our top sellers and everyone love’s them. If we called them Flat Faux Animals with No Guts, that might deter sales a bit, don’t ya think? Just a hunch.
Bet you didn’t think so much went into developing a name for these off the wall, wacky inventions. In creating a name, we put dozens of word combinations together, moving them around, front and back, mixing an matching, until the right name basically jumps out at us. It’s a lot of trial and error but eventually we have a winner, just like the product itself.
Well, that’s all for this week, we’ll yak soon!
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
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May 11th, 2010 by Tommy Z
So I’m in AJ’s office the other day, finding out what’s new in As Seen on TV land, so I can entertain you wonderful people. He asks if I’ve seen our fantastic and newest product called Bark Off. Bark Off, you say? Immediately I saw the commercial in my head…
Oh No! Those annoying trees are at it again! Trees everywhere, and all that unsightly bark. Well, no need to worry, now there’s Bark off, the revolutionary new bark removal device that will shave your trees in just seconds! Never cared for Joyce Kilmer poetry? Not a big fan of Arbor Day? Bark Off is what you’ve been waiting for! But Wait There’s More! Act now and we’ll throw in the Stupendous Stump Grinder at no extra cost! Bastard cousin to the Awesome Auger, the Stupendous Stump grinder slices and dices even the most unsightliest stumps!
“Wait Tommy!” AJ yelled at the top of his lungs. “Will you just shut your pie hole for one minute!”
Of course that’s not the first time I’ve been given that directive, so I asked the boss-man what was up.
“Bark Off isn’t for trees, you knucklehead,” he assured me, “it’s for dogs. It’s a device that stops dogs from barking when you don’t want them to.”
Damn, I thought to myself, what ever happened to whacking them with the Daily News? Well, I have to say that Bark Off really is an ingenious little creation from the mind of world renowned Russian inventor, Valerie Barkov. The one time back-up goaltender for the Soviet Nation Ice hockey Team, Barkov developed this amazing breakthrough after his shi tzu, Tretiak barked uncontrollably at the slightest sound.
“Da… a peez of paper being crumpled or a leev falleeng from a tree vould send little Tretiak into a barking rampage, “the inventor told me in a recent interview. ” I knew dat peepull da vorld over vould love dis ting I eevented.”
Okay, his broken English was probably worse than any barking pooch, but he was right, this kind of device could used by millions of people throughout the world! What a break through! What an invention! What a crock! I just made that up because you guys need some entertainment instead of those loud infomercials every once in a while.
All right, I have no idea who invented this thing, but Bark Off is an amazing product that really works! When Fido decides to go bonkers at the mailman or the kids next door, just flip the switch and this tiny box lets off a high pitch noise only audible to dogs, and instantly ol’ Rover will stop his yapping. I’m guessing it’s the same principle as a dog whistle. And it has been proven to be safe with no harm caused to your pet, whatsoever! Ingenious, right? You know it! Man, I don’t know how or where AJ keeps coming up with these winning ideas, but that’s why he’s the King and I am just the court jester, here to bring you the merriment you deserve!
Check out the TV spot for Bark Off on the right side of this bloggy. The reviews on the web have been tremendous and people are swearing by it, instead of swearing at their over protective pooches! My wife wants to know if it will work on me while I’m yelping like a loon during football season, but I’m sure the braintrust here at TeleBrands is working on it as we speak. And I want a cut of the action if it happens!
Like I said, Bark Off is safe and humane and teaches your pet how to be Man’s Best Friend at its finest!
Take care for now all you big dogs and precious poodles,
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
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May 4th, 2010 by Tommy Z
I did a Google search (only cuz I’m too lazy to try Bing) and found out that scores of people are addicted to infomercials and buying the products. I’m serious – people are addicted and can’t stop them selves from buying.
It’s a fact of life that people love to buy stuff on TV or the internet and have it arrive in the mail. What can Brown do for you? He can show up at my door with the Veggie Slicer Pro any time! There’s nothing like tearing open the box and removing that thing that Billy Mays once screamed about – the thing he made you believe that you absolutely needed and couldn’t live another day without. The thing that will make life easier, better, and more fulfilling. We’re all a bunch of lazy sloths when it comes down to it, and any product that’s gonna save me 45 seconds of carrot cutting time is a bona fide life saver.
Billy yelled at us as if we were deaf and dumb, and we took the bait like one of Pavlov’s pooches. If he claimed that a product whitened our clothes or showed how using an auger was simply awesome, then we believed him. I mean what guy in his right mind would stand up and yell like a lunatic for 60 seconds if it wasn’t all true? Right? The dude may have annoyed the Shinola out of you, but you still picked up the phone and demanded that Itty Bitty Burger Maker! “ARE YOU TIRED OF MAKING CRAPPY HAMBURGERS?!!! DO YOUR KIDS HATE YOU BECAUSE OF IT?!!! I’M BILLY MAYS, AND NOW YOU CAN BECOME YOUR VERY OWN BURGER-MEISTER, MEiSTER-BURGER!!!” Yeah,the guy had all the social grace of a pitbull on a kitten ranch, but now Mays is gone and Anthony Sullivan is pitching the products. Something about an English accent that makes us Americana’s take notice.
“Wow, that British guy seems like a real gent. I think my whole family needs that amazing putty stuff that does everything but cure the common hangover. And even that’s not out of the question! I don’t care what it costs, I want that stuff to show up in a corrugated box at my front door in 72 hours, dammit! I’ll pay the addition ship charges, just get it here NOW!!!”
Professional pitchmen are damned good and infomercials can be extremely addicting. Opus the Penguin from the comic strip, Bloom County was an admitted addict when it came to late night commercials. But penguins are no different than humans and the desire to own the egg that scraps dead skin from your cruddy webbed feet is enormous. Phrases like, “But Wait, There’s More” and “For only $19.95!” have become synonous and parodied to death in American pop-culture. Saturday Nite Live’s Dan Aykroyd had us all in stitches with his Super Bass-o-Matic 76, as Lorraine Newman took a sip of the chunky orange swill and said, “Wow, that’s great bass!”
The question often comes up, “Do we really need any of this stuff?” Well, if you think about it, all we really need is food, clothes and shelter. But damn, when I see those kids wasting full cans of expensive soda, I want my Bottle Tops like nobody’s business! And come to think of it… it’s a HUGE pain in the rear to smoosh your hand between your car windshield and the dashboard, so send me a few of them freaking Windshield Wonders with the perty lime green, washable covers! And my closets are dark so ship me a dozen of them Stick-Up Bulbs, will ya? And the Go Duster… send a gaggle of Go-Dusters fer crissakes… I want to make dusting fun!
So the question remains… Is there a cure for Infomercial addiction?
Damn… the good folks here at TeleBrands certainly hope not.
- Tommy Z
TeleBrands The BLOG
Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »
